Humor - the best medicine

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   I think ive caught the first early signs of bird flu..... 
I was up at 5am this morning, sat on the washing line whistling my  
head off! 

I�m having trouble cooking this chicken with bird flu. Every time i put it in the oven it sneezes and puts the gas out!
The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:

1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to poop on someone�s windshield.

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Ella Fitzgerald Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Valued Member Joined: January 15 2006 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 586	Post Options Post Reply Quote Ella Fitzgerald Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: Humor - the best medicine Posted: February 02 2006 at 1:49pm
	I think ive caught the first early signs of bird flu..... I was up at 5am this morning, sat on the washing line whistling my head off! I�m having trouble cooking this chicken with bird flu. Every time i put it in the oven it sneezes and puts the gas out! The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately: 1. High fever 2. Congestion 3. Nausea 4. Fatigue 5. Aching in the joints 6. An irresistible urge to poop on someone�s windshield.

mightymouse Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Valued Member Joined: January 27 2006 Status: Offline Points: 487	Post Options Post Reply Quote mightymouse Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: February 02 2006 at 4:16pm
	Ella, A champion idea! Daughter - "Mum - can I have a canary for Christmas?" Mum - "No - you'll have turkey like everyone else!" What does a dyslexic, athiestic, insomniac do? (Stays up all night laughing at how people think a 'dog' created the universe)
	Nothing matters - Therefore everything matters

Guests Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Guest Group	Post Options Post Reply Quote Guests Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: February 02 2006 at 5:32pm
	Those are great!

TNbebo408 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Adviser Group Joined: December 10 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 295	Post Options Post Reply Quote TNbebo408 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: February 02 2006 at 7:31pm
	I don't want to poop on the windshield, just the idiot behind the steering wheel. What have I got? Maybe i have HN-2006-0-driving-hater-flu too many people can't drive one good, nuch less too good.

mightymouse Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Valued Member Joined: January 27 2006 Status: Offline Points: 487	Post Options Post Reply Quote mightymouse Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: February 05 2006 at 9:12am
	Did you hear about the intelligent bull? (He was an oxymoron)
	Nothing matters - Therefore everything matters

Ella Fitzgerald Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Valued Member Joined: January 15 2006 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 586	Post Options Post Reply Quote Ella Fitzgerald Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: February 05 2006 at 7:38pm
	What do you call a minor bird accident? A feather bender. *** Why did the duck go ring-ring? He got a phone bill. * What did the little bird say to the big bird? Peck on someone your own size. * What do you call a formal dance for ducks? A fowl ball. * What kind of ducks rob banks? Safe quackers. * Why was the duck unhappy? His bill was in the mail. * Why did the pigeon need to get out? He was cooped up at home all week. * Which bird does construction work? The crane! * Which birds work underground? Myna (miner) birds. * What kind of doctor treats a duck? A quack doctor! * What kind of weather excites a pet duck? Fowl weather, of course! * What holiday is strictly observed by all birds? Feather's Day! * Where can birds play professional baseball? In the mynah leagues! * How can you tell a miser from his pet canary? One's a little cheap, but the other's a little cheeper. * Sitting on a branch overlooking the parking lot, the pigeons watched as a Mercedes pulled in below them. "What do you think?" one bird said to the other. "Should we put a deposit on that car?" * Little Harleigh said to her classmate, "Todd, did you read the story about the emperor who bought a nightingale?" Todd shook his head. "Yes," said Harleigh. "He got it for a song!" * What did the parrot say when she fell in love with the frog? Polly wants a croaker! * What would you name a parrot made out of plastic? Polly-Esther! * Who belongs to the P.T.A.? Parrots and teachers! * How can you tell that birds like shopping at sales? They're always saying "cheep-cheep". * What kind of bird digs for coal? A mynah! * Why did the duck put its head in the stream? To liquidate its bill. * Why did the duck leave the stream? It had more interest in the bank. * Which vacation spot will really make your pet bird sing for joy? The Canary Islands! *** What kind of fish can you find in a birdcage? A perch!

mousey Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Valued Member Joined: February 01 2006 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 11	Post Options Post Reply Quote mousey Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: February 05 2006 at 8:52pm
	My grandama used to say this poem and she always thought it was hillarious: A yellow bird with a yellow bill landed on my windowsill, I lured him in with a crust of bread, and then I smashed his frickin' head.

wannago Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List V.I.P. Member Joined: January 16 2006 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 252	Post Options Post Reply Quote wannago Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: February 06 2006 at 12:12am
	Here's an oldie What's dangerous and lives in a tree? A bird with a machine gun
	wannago

Trigger Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List V.I.P. Member Joined: January 13 2006 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 77	Post Options Post Reply Quote Trigger Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: February 06 2006 at 4:27pm
	Great one Mousey!! I have never heard it put quite that that.
	Trigger

Ella Fitzgerald Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Valued Member Joined: January 15 2006 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 586	Post Options Post Reply Quote Ella Fitzgerald Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: February 07 2006 at 3:25pm
	Ducks link: http://pip.rubberfeet.org/stuff/ducks.html For the birds: http://pip.rubberfeet.org/stuff/flip.html How to tell if a plane is infected with the bird flu: http://pip.rubberfeet.org/test/index.cgi/index.html?find=pla ne&plugin=find&path=

Ella Fitzgerald Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Valued Member Joined: January 15 2006 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 586	Post Options Post Reply Quote Ella Fitzgerald Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: March 07 2006 at 7:16pm
	Thought this might be a good thread to bring to the top again in light of all the disturbing news this week so far...... Yes, my coping mechanism is humor..... and chocolate covered marshallow candies from Russel Stover......
	Pandemics Happen!